NEW YEAR JOKS (FUNNY)

first day of January

2009-12-10T23:26:00.001-08:00

Every man should be born again on the first day of January.
Start with a fresh page.
Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary,
or let down one, according to circumstances;
but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more,
with his face to the front,
and take no interest in the things that were and are past.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010

2009-12-10T23:25:00.000-08:00

Wishing U happy New Solar Year
and Lunar Year in advance for
the following year...!

2009

2010

2011

2012

2013

2014

2015

2016

2017

2018

2019

Agar aany waly 10 saalon mein tumhy
koi pehly wish kerny ka dawa kar lai
tou ek rakh k dena aur usy ye msg
dikh dena:-)

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2009-12-10T23:24:00.001-08:00

AAP JAHAN JAYE WAHAN SE KARE FLY ALL TEAR,
SAB LOG AAP KO HI MANE APNA DEAR,
AAP KI HAR RAAH HO ALWAYS CLEAR,
AUR KHUDA DEY AAPKO EK JAKKAS NEW YEAR.
\"HAPPY NEW YEAR\"

Bye Bye 2009 - Welcome 2010

2009-12-10T23:23:00.000-08:00

I Wish in 2009
God gives You...
12 Month of Happiness,
52 Weeks of Fun,
365 Days Success,
8760 Hours Good Health,
52600 Minutes Good Luck,
3153600 Seconds of Joy...and that's all!

Best of luck for 2010

2009-11-08T01:19:00.001-08:00

This is last evening of 2009
Last sun of 2009
Has spread its shine
On earth,
Feel remaining
Moments of last day,
Scatter happiness
Best of luck for 2010

New Year begins

2009-11-08T01:18:00.004-08:00

New Year begins,
let us pray that
it will be a year with New Peace,
New Happiness
and abundance of new friends,
God bless you
through out the New Year.

New are the hopes and the aspirations

2009-11-08T01:18:00.003-08:00

New is the year, new are the hopes and the aspirations,
New is the resolution, new are the spirits and
Forever my warm wishes are for u.
Have a promising and fulfilling new year.

A New Year’s Prayer

2009-11-08T01:18:00.001-08:00

A New Year’s Prayer

May ALLAH make ur year a happy one!
Not by shielding you from all sorrows and pain,
But by strengthening you to bear it, as it comes;
Not by making your path easy,
But by making you sturdy to travel any path;
Not by taking hardships from you,
But by taking fear from your heart;
Not by granting you unbroken sunshine,
But by keeping your face bright, even in the shadows;

When somebody who is deeply

2009-11-08T01:17:00.002-08:00

When somebody who is deeply
in Love with you tells that
You are
cute, beautiful, & angelic,
I agree. That’s true,
Believe me,
I swear because love is definitely blind

I have lots of jokes

2009-11-08T01:17:00.001-08:00

I have lots of jokes in my inbox,
But I can’t send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time,
So I’m sending you just 1 joke
.
.
.
“You are so beautiful”

Funny Tagalog Quotes/Jokes

2009-11-08T01:16:00.002-08:00

0501. It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: “Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuff…”

0502. My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of nowhere: “Imagine mo kung di ginawa ‘tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?”

0503. Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: “Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’, opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.”

0504. In a burger joint I heard a man say: “Miss, isa ngang ‘amusing’ aloha at saka ‘kidney’ meal.” Server: “Dine in po ba or to go?” The man answered: “Ayoko ng sago!”

0505. I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: “Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.” And she replied: “Ano po, solo o

Sad Love Quotes Collection

2009-11-08T01:16:00.001-08:00

Father’s day is the day of honoring our fathers, for the effort and love that they are giving us. It is celebrated almost around the world. Share the message and celebrate Father’s day by Kissing your fathers and giving them these Father’s day quotes and text messages together with your gifts if any enjoy!

Chain Letters and Stories

2009-11-08T01:14:00.000-08:00

SIPPING VODKA

This is too funny – I still have tears in my eyes! Finally, a chain letter that I don’t mind forwarding.
It’s funny (don’t break chain)

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done..

Police Joke of the day

2009-11-04T23:41:00.001-08:00

New Year Nerd Resolutions

2009-11-04T23:39:00.000-08:00

New Year Nerd Resolutions
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON'T
BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU'RE A NERD

16. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!

15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.

14. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

13. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

12. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.

11. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.

10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.

9. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.

8. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.

7. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.

6. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.

Navratri SMS / SMS Messages / SMS Jokes

2009-11-04T23:38:00.002-08:00

Long live the tradition of hindu culture
and as the generations have passed
by hindu culture is getting stronger and
stronger lets keep it up.
Best Wishes for Navratri

Zindagi Mein Woh Aya Hai

2009-11-04T23:38:00.001-08:00

Zindagi Mein Woh Aya Hai
Abb Zamee`n Per Hi Jannat Hai
Ek Pal B Na Judaai Ho
Yeh Dua Hai
Yehi Manaat Hai

A girl comes late to

2009-11-04T23:36:00.000-08:00

A girl comes late to class.
Prof- Why r u late?
Girl- Sir a boy was following me.
Prof- So how did you got late?
Girl- Sir the boy was moving very slow.
Read more...

Good Karma: Instructions for January

2009-11-03T01:17:00.002-08:00

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R's:
Respect for self,
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.

Ode To January - Kindly sent by Alicia Moss

2009-11-03T01:17:00.001-08:00

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste At the holiday parties had gone to my wa

New Year Resolutions for January

2009-11-03T01:16:00.000-08:00

As a Christmas present this year, my daughter, Cresley [what a thoughtful darling] bought for me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in reasonable shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Juan Antonio [ooh what a name] who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

New Year's Day Party - That Never Was?

2009-10-29T02:30:00.004-07:00

As in many homes on New Year's Day, Janet and Nigel, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the lunch itself.

Hoping to keep the peace Nigel ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.

Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Nigel. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Nigel told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0.

'See?' Janet said happily, 'You didn't miss a thing.'

New Year's Eve Party - Phantom Guest?

2009-10-29T02:30:00.003-07:00

Trevor's New Year's Eve party was an annual occurrence with numerous guests arriving. During the evening, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to where the drinks were, in the kitchen. He sat there happily, chatting away, for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. 'You know,' he confided to Trevor, 'I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my drive.' He continued, 'My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved, so that we can go out.'

New Year's Eve Party - Phantom Guest?

2009-10-29T02:30:00.001-07:00

Politician in Action

2009-10-29T02:29:00.004-07:00

A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.

'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'

A New Year's Wish

2009-10-29T02:29:00.003-07:00

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death

A New Year's Wish

2009-10-29T02:29:00.001-07:00

New Year's Day Prayer for one and all

2009-10-29T02:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord

So far this year I've done well.

I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help.

Amen

Funny New Year Resolutions

2009-10-27T00:16:00.001-07:00

Check out these funny and innovative New Year's Resolutions! Enjoy these and make some for yourself...Surely you will enjoy!!

Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.

I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.

I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.

I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.

Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.

I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....

I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.

I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).

I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.

I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.

I will think of a password other than "password."

I will not tell the same story at every get together.

I won't worry so much.

I will cut my hair.

I will grow my hair.

I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!

I will be more imaginative.

I will not hang around girls - they think you love them and that sucks.

I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.

Resolutions You Would be Tempted to Keep...
For those who are scared of making resolutions here are some resolutions they would actually be tempted to keep!!

Spend more time watching TV / movies.
Chat more over phone / Internet.
Read less.
I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
Stop exercising. Waste of time.
Procrastinate more.
Drink. Drink some more.
Start being superstitious.
Spend more less time at work.
Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
Take up a new habit: Maybe smoking!

New Year Holiday Destinations

2009-10-27T00:15:00.001-07:00

New Year is always invited in a splendid and grand way. To celebrate New Year at a unique place has become a great desire. People wish to begin their New Year with a city-break. They choose to be part of some different traditions and festivities when it is New Year. For some New Year holiday destinations change every year. The most exotic New Year destinations are the snow-bound areas or a foreign country. So, what are you waiting for, pack your bags and take your family to a magnificent New Year excursion.

Popular New Year Holiday Destinations
Given below are some fascinating New Year destinations from around the globe:

Florida: The main attraction of Florida is the Disney World which makes it a perfect destination to spend a long vacation with family members. It is a travelers hub and when it is New Year, Florida tops the list of holiday destinations. The world famous Gatorland and the Everglades are favorite spots of young children. If one loves the warm weather then Orlando would be an ideal holiday destination. New Year parties, the beaches of Ft. Lauderdale and the Orange Bowl game of Florida makes it a best New Year holiday destination.

Australia: Be it New Year or any other festival, Australia remains a favorite destination for the vacationers. If you want an amazing holiday experience, do not forget to visit the spectacular beach location like Shark Bay. The sparkling fireworks of Sydney Harbour Bridge attracts large number of tourists across the world. Apart from New Year club parties, Australia also give some adventurous picnic options such as scuba dive, bird watching and the fishing sport.

United Kingdom: For a unique and exciting New Year celebration, United Kingdom is not too far. Today, London is a highly rated New Year destination. Main attraction of the city are the New year parades, salsa parties and rock shows. Its historical monuments like the Great Dome of St. Pauls and Buckingham Palace, Big Ben's New Year, music galleries etc. are some fascinating places which makes London, the most popular destination across the world.

Corsica: Corsica, the most unheard name for holidays but a beautiful place to see. It is a wonderful Mediterranean island. It is a home to varied landscapes and exotic beaches. Corsica provides an experience which would stay for a lifetime. The fantastic climate, hospitality, lavish food and drinks belongs to the list of the your favorite holiday spots. The renowned Fiera di a Castagna, or Chestnut Fair treats the visitors to arts, crafts, food and entertainment.

California: California is a gateway to such popular places that are always thronged with people. California is famous for its three major holiday destinations – Los Angeles, San Francisco and San Diego. The top three cities attract a large number of tourists at the time of New Year. People of all age groups love to spend their New Year vacations in any of these beautiful cities.

The Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm of Los Angeles, laid-back lifestyle of beaches, surfing and shopping in San Diego has become a biggest tourist hub. To enjoy the magnificent international New Year, San Francisco is not behind in the race. It is famous for its huge balls, New Year meals and music. A visit to the Golden Gate Bridge and the ride on the famous cable cars make the city a perfect holiday place.

New Year Party Games

2009-10-27T00:14:00.001-07:00

The full party mood can be set out with some exciting and amusing games. Once all the decorations are done, its time to plan out some games for the guests to keep the spirit of the party. These games are generally played indoors and the memories of the day keep rejuvenating us throughout the year. So, New Year should be welcomed in an entertaining manner.

Here are some games you can play during the New Year Party:

Musical Chair
This is the oldest game played in every ceremony and festival. Some chairs are arranged less than the number of people, a short snippet of music is played while the people move around these chairs. Those playing the game move around the chair. When the music stops everyone tries to sit on a vacant chair. The person who doesn't find a chair is 'out'. Similarly, one chair is taken out after every round. Person who is left at the end of the game is declared the winner'.

My Resolution
This game can be played by 4 or more players. Make your guest write his or her own 5 resolutions, each on a slip of paper. Pull one slip of paper out of a hat at a time and read it out loud. Everyone has to write down on another sheet of paper who they think made each resolution. At the end of the readings, the person who guessed the most correctly wins a prize. Talk about some of the wrong guesses out loud for fun!

The Grouping Game
This is a good game to play as a mixer. It is a fun, fast moving game. It starts out as everyone collects in one big group.

The leader initially calls out a number, usually a number between two and fifteen. The number shouldn't be more than half of the number of total participants. When the number is called out everyone must try to collect in a group that contains that number of people. The group members should be latching arms or have their arms wrapped around each other so that the leader can see who is in the group. If someone cannot enter a group because the number of required members has been reached, he is out of the game. As different numbers are successively called out the number of participants gets smaller and smaller. Eventually, there are less than ten people. The last group, or winning group, should have anywhere from two to five people.

New years win, lose or draw
This game is one of the active games played at the time of New Year. More than 6 players can play this game. Large drawing pads, pens and list of large events are required. Go through magazines and newspapers to pick out events from past years. Use these events as "titles" to Win, Lose or Draw. For tons of fun, make each of your guests team up in two's and draw whichever past year's event that they have randomly drawn while others guess.

Funny Face Contest
Such games have been played by people of all ages for so many years. At times it seems to be a very old concept but is still amongst the most commonly played games. Take picture of your guests one by one. Have them make a funny face and be sure to tell them there is a prize for the best face. After all the pictures have been taken, download them to your computer or laptop and have everyone gather around the monitor. The winner will be judged on the greatest laughter.

Bengali New Year

2009-10-27T00:11:00.000-07:00

If you are in Bengal at the time of mid April, you will hear people wishing each other "Shubo Nabo Barsho". It is celebrated as a Bengali New Year. This festival usually falls in the month of April which is the month of Baisakh, first month of Bengali New Year. The festival of Nabo Barsha was introduced was the great Mughal emperor, Akbar.

This festival is celebrated with great deal of enthusiasm and energy not only by the people of Bengal but also by the Tribal people in hilly areas. For them, it is the time to say adieu to the past year and welcome New Year by following religious norms.

Nabo Barsho Traditions and Customs
Almost all Bengalis decorate their houses with fresh flowers and draw rangolis in front of the entrance door. Rangolis are usually made of colored rice and it is known as "Alpana". An earthen pot bearing the symbol of Swastika is kept in the middle of rangoli. It is believed to bring in wealth and symbolizes a prosperous New Year.

Nabo Barsho Celebrations
On this day, women wear traditional Red and White Sari while men wear dhoti kurta to take part in the early morning processions called Prabhat Pheries. Some even go to the nearby river for a holy dip. It is said water of the river washes away all the sins.

After this idols of Lord Ganesha and Goddess Laxmi are worshiped for the well-being and longevity of the family members. Praying to the clouds for water is another popular ritual of the Bengali New Year. As per the tradition, people are supposed to pay off all the loans and old dues with the customers are to be settled. On this day, Bengali businessmen purchase new accounts books and prepare new accounts called as Haalkhata.

At some places, people also perform dances, sing songs or recite Bengali Nabo Barsho poems. Amidst all feasting, food is the main focus.

Malayalam New Year

2009-10-27T00:10:00.000-07:00

Malayalam New Year

Vishu festival or Malayalam New Year falls on the first of Malayalam month of Medam (March-April). A number of rituals and customs are associated with the festival. It's not a pompous festival but more of a homely affair. People of Kerela like to spend it with their family members.

Vishu Traditions and Customs
Vishukani or Kani Kanal is the most popular tradition followed by people of Kerela. As per the popular belief, year's prosperity depends upon the type of the first object viewed in the morning. There is a list which tells about various auspicious items to be seen on Vishu morning. Ladies keep all the prescribed items ready a night before the Vishu. A Cadian leaf book, gold ornaments, a new white cloth, raw rice, yellow cucumber, betel leaves, flowers of the Konna tree, halved jack fruits, holy grantha and coconut are kept in a bell metal vessel called 'uruli'. Behind the vessel is kept a bell metal mirror and a Lord Krishna deity. Two lighted oil lamp called Nilavilakku is also placed alongside. The head of the family is the first person to see the holy things. Children are brought blindfold. Special care is taken that family members do not see any other thing except Vishukani. Later, Vishukani is offered to God and distributed amongst poor. Children and other young members of the family get a small gift on this day and this tradition of gift-giving is called Vishu Kaineetam.

Vishu Celebrations
Once the custom of Vishukani gets over, people take a dip in the holy water or take bath at their home and visit nearby temples to offer prayers. To celebrate the festival of Pooram Vishu, people of Kerela wear Kodi Vastram. These are new clothes specially worn on auspicious occasions. People of Kerela multiply Vishu celebrations by traditional singing and dancing. They also burst Patassu (firecrackers). Evening time is for lavish meals. Women prepare sadya (feast). These are special dishes prepared using jackfriuts, mangoes, pumpkins and gourds. To mark Vishu, traditionally people prepare Moru Kutan - a savoury stew made with yoghurt, Payassam (Kheer), Veppampoorasam (a bitter preparation of neem) and Mampazhapachadi (a sour mango soup). Malayalam feast is an equal proportion of all tastes.

Great amount of excitement can also be seen in the villages of Kerela. Men and women dress up like Chozhi by wearing a skirt of dried banana leaves and masks on their faces. They entertain people by various traditional dances and dramas. These entertainers would move house to house collecting money to be spent in Vishuwela which is a New Year Fair in Kerela. .

New Year Sms

2009-10-26T22:56:00.000-07:00

Sending New Year SMS is a wonderful and convenient way to greet your dear ones at the beginning of the year. Given here are some beautiful and humorous New Year SMS that you may use to express your good wishes for your friends and dear ones. Apart from New Year good wishes SMS and New Year SMS, the collection also includes some popular New Year SMS in Hindi.

You may help us enrich this collection of New Year Text Messages by sending us funny and heartfelt New Year SMS ideas. Your contribution will be acknowledged and will be published on this page along with your name!!

Wedding and kids

2009-10-26T22:55:00.001-07:00

At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.

The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."

A depressed man

2009-10-26T22:54:00.001-07:00

There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Send New Year Jokes
Here comes a fantastic opportunity to make others laugh and giggle on your New Year Jokes. If you have something nerve-tickling in your kitty then send us to as soon as possible.

New Year Jokes

2009-10-26T22:53:00.000-07:00

New Year time is not only meant for prayers, celebrations and following rituals but also to make it a jovial moment. There is a most scintillating way to complete the ongoing celebrations- New Year Jokes. So, the New Year time is to giggle with friends and family, have loads of fun and scribble these into the diary of favorite memories.

So what are you waiting for, let's make this New Year a humorous one by the following jokes:

New Years Resolutions for Pets

Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.
Always scoot before licking.
Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...
I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.